by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC

How can you help someone on the web who is troubled, wounded or even suicidal? Here are some steps and resources you might want to consider using which can help bring hope and comfort to the timid and lift the faint-hearted. (1 Thess. 4:14)

Go to the Lord yourself to find wisdom and insight. Prayer for the person. Let the Holy Spirit guide you as you reach out through email to help the person you are writing.

Steps to helping the wounded:

1. Remember that you are not God, you are a helper God can use. Remind yourself that God has the power and the wisdom to help any broken person. He can give you wisdom. He desires to help needy people. Ps 113:5-7 Who is like the LORD our God, the One who sits enthroned on high, who stoops down to look on the heavens and the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; …NIV

2. Be empathic. “I can see that you are feeling down-hearted. My heart goes out to you. Though I can’t understand fully your problems, I do care.” Empathy communicates that you care, that you want to encourage. Don’t give pat answers or be harsh. Empathy follows the principles of love found in 1 Cor. 13.

3. Discover the real issue. You can draw out the underlying problem: Prov 20:5 reads: The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. NIV

Ask: “What is it that really troubles you?”

Determine if this is a crisis and needs immediate intervention such as: suicide, abuse, domestic violence, eating disorder such as anorexia, etc.

Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions: “Are you thinking about harming yourself? or someone else?” “Is your life in danger?” “Does your spouse hit you?” or “How often do you miss a meal?”

4. Bring hope into your response: “What gives you hope right now?” “What do you look forward to each week?”

5. Point them to Jesus…..the hope of the world. Jesus cares. Jesus is real. Jesus can and will help them if they ask for His help. He is the Good Shepherd, the Bread of Life, the Living Water, the Savior, the Creator! Explain the gospel from Romans.  If you don’t know how to share the gospel…. learn. Read the mentoring article: Crisis Situations which explains about how to introduce the gospel. Point them to the articles on The Four Spiritual Laws at: http://www.crusade.org/fourlaws/ or How to Know God Personally.

Share scriptures of comfort and hope such as Psalms 23, 37, 91, 139, 145; John 10-15; Ephesians 1-3; 1 Thess. 4, Luke 15:1-32 (the prodigal son).

6. Challenge them to take concrete steps to help themselves. Ask: “What can you change this week that will help you feel better?” A person only has control over him/herself and can only change themselves. Suggest that they consider the following:

• Making an appointment with a professional counselor:  New Life: http://www.newlife.com or AACC for a counselor: http://www.aacc.net (has a directory of counselors in the USA). Also, Family Life in Canada can give a referral to a counselor: http://www.fotf.ca/ 604.539.7900 or in the USA: (800) A-FAMILY (232-6459) http://www.family.org
• Seeing their family doctor for a check-up….the problem may have an underlying physical cause
• Seeing their pastor for prayer. Point them to a church in their area if they don’t have one.
• Beginning an exercise program to decrease stress, anxiety and depression.
• Beginning to go to church, read their Bible, pray, get involved in a Bible study group.
• Look for a job. Suggest a resource for this.
• Work through the anger, depression, bitterness, grief in counseling, by talking with a mature, supportive friend or family member, reading, jounaling, etc.
• People are needy, but, they need to help themselves and give God the control of their lives. Every disappointment and trial can bring a battle with Satan and they can discover victory in Christ ……Who is more powerful, able to strengthen them against the enemy of darkness.
• Challenge them to get a prayer partner to pray with every week and to get involved in a Bible study weekly.
• Teach the person the importance of putting on the full armor of God to take his/her stand against the Devil’s schemes (Ephes. 6:10-18).
• Recommended resources material as suggested on our resource page.

7. Please do become familiar with some of the articles and books posted on the resource page, so you can be empathetic with those you are trying to help, and guide them to good resources.

8. I want to emphasize that you cannot fix the person you are helping. They are responsible to change and find help and hope in Christ. You are not responsible to rescue them. You are a mentor, a guide, a helper. You are there to minister and to serve.

You are there to point broken people to God. He can help bring healing and power for change in their lives.

9. Make certain that you place boundaries on these relationships via the web. You need to take care of yourself, your family and your other responsibilities. If someone keeps writing you, you may have to let him/her know that you can only write back once a week.

10. Do what you can and leave it to God. And pray. Because God answers prayer and He loves that “invisible person” on the web you are communicating with.

I hope that you will find these training emails and readings helpful in your ministry and outreach to those who write to you.

God bless you!

Back to Mentor Training