From: Hurting person,

I am going through a tremendously hard break-up with my ex-boy friend. The break-up as in regards to his trying to find his man hood and also his father’s personal belief that I was not the right person for him. Going through this break-up has brought back my bouts of depression, and suicidal thoughts. I am asking that someone please pray for me towards my recovery from this and go on to recognize that God is the only person that I can truly count on in my life. Thank you.

Dear Hurting person,

I realize that you may have already planned to end your life or even tried to. All you can think about is how hopeless your life is, how you can’t go on living like this. The pain is too great. No one understands the burdens you carry or the emotional turmoil you are experiencing. Maybe you are a Christian and you are feeling desperate about your life… so desperate that ending your life seems the only way out. Let me share with you some hope, about how your life can be different and about why you should give life another try. Let me pray for you now:

Dear Lord Jesus, please help (name) to turn to You completely for help and hope. Please take away the thoughts of suicide she has been having. Help (him/her) to know your love for her, your plan for her life and your forgiveness. I thank you for loving us so much that you gave your Son to die for our sins and bring us a new life. I thank you for the great hope we have in knowing you and trusting in what you have prepared for us in the future. Take away(his/her) hopelessness. Help her to see that you have a plan for (his/her) life. You are ultimately in control when people turn their lives over to you. Help (him/her)to surrender her life to you and trust you. For your plan is greater and more wonderful than the plans we make for ourselves outside of your will. Give hope. Give the knowledge that you “have plans not to harm but, to give a future and a hope.” (Jere. 29:11) In Jesus Name. Amen.

Options: I want to ask you to consider doing something other than trying to end your life. You may have tried counseling or talking to someone to no avail. I’m asking you to try taking some steps again. Steps which will help you move in another direction, away from the self-destructive thoughts which have plagued you.

First of all, you need to understand why you are depressed. You say, “I do know why. I hate my life. I am a failure. God has failed me. Someone died. I’m lonely. God doesn’t care. God doesn’t hear my prayers. I’m______ (you fill in the blank).”

I want to tell you that though you have many problems and struggles, You may also be struggling with a deficiency of chemicals in your nervous system. This physiological problem may be a major reason for the depression you feel. Many people who are depressed don’t know that depression is also by a lack of neurotransmitters called catecholamines, serotonin and endorphins. These are the chemicals which help people concentrate, improve mood and increase energy. Medication can help increase these neurochemicals along with natural methods such as exercise and taking time to grow spiritually.

There are other causes as well for the depression you feel. You may need to work through other issues such as the loss of a loved one, the anger and resentment you feel towards your parents, low self-esteem, disappointment with God, guilt, resentment, anger, or past sexual abuse. Those issues, crises and losses need to be dealt with, processed and grieved.

First Step: Have you been going to counseling and been treated for depression? If not, go immediately to your family doctor or a psychiatrist or mental health center for help. You can find a counselor at www.aacc.net or go to the nearest mental health center. If you are suicidal please contact 911 (in the USA)or go to a hospital emergency room. Please do this immediately! If you are presently in counseling, you need to contact your therapist and/or psychiatrist to tell them you need help for these suicidal thoughts and self-destructive plans. Ask a family member or friend to go with you. Maybe you trust a relative, friend or pastor who can help.

Understanding Depression and Challenging Your Emotions:

Your feelings and your depression cannot be trusted. Feelings are not objective truth. Feelings are indicators of subjective thinking and you need to explore the thoughts you have been dwelling on that have led you to contemplate suicide. Thinking about killing yourself is believing lies about life and about the future. These thoughts contradict scripture and God’s command “do not kill”.

Many people in the past have struggled with depression but, they didn’t cave into or trust the feelings. They had the courage to go on, the courage to believe that their future and that their life could be different. Martin Luther graphically described one of his frequest rock-bottom moods: “For more than a week I was close to the gates of death and hell. I trembled in all my members. Christ was wholly lost. I was shaken by desperation and blasphemy of God.” (Here I Stand, Abingdon Press). Don Baker, pastor and author wrote of his experience with depression: “I seemed to be out of touch with relatity. Life was a blur, often out of focus. My life seemed to be nothing but pretense and fantasy. No really cared, I felt-not even God. The only solution-at times-seemed to be suicide….”

These men did not follow their feelings. They rejected the despairing thoughts and moved forward. They were able to overcome hurdles and their emotions of defeat. They believed that God could make a difference in their lives as the writer of Psalms 42:5 said, “Why are you downcast O my soul? Why so discouraged within me? For I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my Lord.”

You don’t need to be led astray by your negative feelings and thoughts. It’s time to challenge that thinking. Time to see your life from a scriptural and healthy perspective. You are a person of value. You are important to God. God loves you and cares for you. God can help you can change your thinking and behavior and improve your life! Give Jesus a chance to help you and change you. Seek His help and guidance through scripture, church and prayer. Why not find out what He can do?! I have witnessed how He has changed lives, lifted the downcast and brought hope to those who feellost. When you really believe what Jesus has said then… you can live for Him and obey Him and experience a new peace and hope for living.

The truth is that since Jesus is God … He can be trusted for your life - presently as well as for all eternity. And He is able to do above and beyond all we ask or think because He is the Creator, Savior, Lord of all, the Good Shepherd, the Alpha and Omega! Jesus Christ changed my life and you can read more about how to know God personally. Read about more advice and more on suicide and why it is not the way out of your problems. Ask yourself:

1. What feelings are underneath my depression?
2. Do I suffer from low self-esteem?
3. Am I having guilt problems?
4. Am I struggling with relationship problems?
5. Am I fearful about something?
6. Am I struggling with some loss?
7. What types of thoughts rule my mind?
8. How can I take a step towards seeking God and letting Him take control of my life?

Ask God to reveal these things to you. Then, pray and ask Him for help and to change our life from the inside out. Don’t give up! Don’t be a quitter! Contract with someone close to you right now NOT to take your life. Moving Beyond Hopelessness: Usually people who are feeling depressed are not doing what would help them feel better. You need to fight the depression and move forward. Talk with someone about your feelings, about your life. Expressing your feelings to someone is very beneficial.

Exploring with someone, especially a counselor, what underlies your feelings can help you begin to problem-solve. Seeing your doctor for a physical exam and telling him or her about your depression can lead to further treatment for the physiological causes. You most likely need to take an anti-depressant. Regular exercise and proper diet is very helpful and can also increase the neuro-chemicals your body is missing. Looking at how to resolve the issues you have with family and friends is most important. Start spending quality time with caring people, friends, God, members of your family and church which will give you a sense of connection and help you regain meaning in your life. Where to start: You have read this article. Will you now consider taking a step towards life? A step towards rebuilding your life? A step to reach out for help?

Refuse to believe the lies you have been telling yourself. Lies that life is hopeless, you are worthless and you have no future. I’m here to tell you that your life has a future and a hope. I have seen so many people get help and go on to enjoy a better life! Call Rapha’s hotline now at: 1-800-383-4673 (hope)for help. Write out what will help you start over. Here are some suggestions:

1. Professional counseling: 1-800-383-4673.
2. A physical exam and medication.
3. Reading Scripture and praying.
4. Support from church, family and friends.
5. Exercise and nutrition.
6. Guidance for finances.
7. Working through grief, loss or other issues.
8. Reading a book such as The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter, Frank Minirth or The Search for Significance by Robert McGee or Learning to Tell Myself the Truth by William Backus or Keep Believing: God in the Midst of Our Deepest Struggles by Ray Pritchard. You can find these books in our resources page under the Faith and Personal Growth areas.
9. Other: _________________ (fill in the blank)

I hope that I have been able to talk you out of harming yourself. Your life is not over because of the break-up with your boyfriend. Call your pastor, counselor, a friend, your doctor. God does not want you to do this. God loves you and has a plan for your life. Take a step towards Christ, life and hope now. I am praying you will.

Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC,
http://www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com
http://www.counselcareconnection.org
http://www.cbwc.net
http://www.hoyweb.com

Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
CounselCare Connection, P.C.
counselor@hoyweb.com
www.hoyweb.com
www.lifecareweb.com

“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
Hebrews 13:6